Scientists from the organization Center for Science as a Public Nuisance released findings that conclusively link recent severe weather to climate change. A growing number of people have questioned the link between climate change and various severe weather events that have occurred over the past several years, but this report should put the issue to rest by providing a definitive link between the two.
Dr. Penn Cilneck, a Climate Scientist acting as spokesman for the group, presented their findings at a press conference this morning.
“My colleagues and I embarked on a mission three years ago, with $3.5 billion in funding from the federal government, to examine the link between weather and climate change. Because of the potentially devastating ramifications of continued changes in the climate, our study was conducted in such a way as to eliminate any question of the study’s findings based on scientific methodology. Our investigation was methodical, exhaustive, and provided inconclusive results that prove severe weather such as the current blizzard affecting the Northeast have a direct and verifiable link to global climate change. Furthermore, our findings also indicate that the situation will continue unless mankind takes drastic action as soon as possible.”
When pressed for specifics by reporters, Dr. Cilneck held up a thick booklet and provided the following summary:
“The findings are quite detailed, and a copy of this report will be made available for the press, but I can provide a short summary of the findings. According to every scrap of evidence we examined, weather events of all kinds, including the storms we are seeing now, were never observed on earth prior to the onset of global climate change. There is conclusive evidence in fact, that the weather phenomena we are talking about began to occur at exactly the same time climate change began and that link has never been broken. We fully expect this relationship to continue until action is taken by world governments to break this dangerous cycle.”
Neither Dr. Cilneck nor his colleagues would comment on what government actions might be taken to end climate change.