There’s a lot of pressure on men to be big tall protectors. Maybe not so much nowadays, since the left is trying to turn most men into sissy soy boys. But still, there are a lot of normal men left who feel self-conscious about not being tall enough. Sometimes, shorter guys deal with a lot of nonsense. They get jokes made about them, and they live under that “little man” complex by much of society. But what can they do? It’s not like they can go out and get a pair of heels (yes, I know many men actually do that)… but right now, we’re talking about the ones who don’t. What options do they have?
Well, now they actually have a way to gain an extra 3-6 inches, if they’re willing to shell out a lot of money and get both of their femurs broken (the bone of the thigh or upper hind limb).
Yes, it sounds horrific, but there are a growing number of men who are actually getting this procedure. GQ reported that men are paying a whopping $75,000 for the agonizing privilege of having their legs surgically lengthened. That entailed having both his femurs broken, and adjustable metal nails inserted down their centers. Each nail is made of titanium, which is both flexible and sturdy, like bone, and about the size of a piccolo. The nails were extended one millimeter every day for about 90 days via a magnetic remote control. Once the broken bones heal, ta-da: a newer, taller man.
GQ caught up with one man named John, who got the procedure and I gotta be honest, it sounds pretty bad. Here’s what John had to say:
With a procedure like this, there are, of course, some caveats. All the height gain obviously comes from your legs, so your proportions can look a little weird, especially when you’re naked. Also, the recovery can be long and taxing. When we meet, the bones in John’s legs are not yet fully healed, and a small section of his right femur is still a little soft, like al dente spaghetti; the smallest stumble could snap a bone in two. And it’s especially dangerous since he’s a big guy, over 200 pounds.
Then there’s the pain, which is relentless, ambient. The extension of the nails in his legs stretched the nerves and tissue around the bones—especially the thick, meaty muscles like the hamstrings—to an almost excruciating degree. He couldn’t walk for months. “They fill you with enough painkillers that it’s bearable,” John explains, but his biggest fear was becoming addicted to the drugs, so he weaned himself off the regimen earlier than he should have.
Most patients will fork over from $70,000 to $150,000, depending on how many inches they want to gain. The majority opt for the standard three inches, which can be expected if you get only your femurs done—a process that takes about a year—but six inches is possible if doctors later do your tibias as well. You then have to get the nails surgically removed, which costs an additional $14,000 to $20,000. Money an issue? Personal financing is available through SoFi, the online bank. John took out a loan for his femurs—$1,200 a month for the next five years.
This sounds like the worst thing on the planet. I am not a man, but I gotta say, I think I’d rather be 3 inches shorter than go through all of this.
How about you? If you had the disposal income, would you ever do something like this?
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